Updated: Feb 22, 2021
We all have that one charming ex boo-thang from our past we just can’t seem to break ties with. One minute we’re ugly crying over the break-up with a “I’m never going to love anyone ever again” complex and then the next minute we’re opening our heart to the same exact person who broke it in the first place. You two have wild make-up sex and inevitably go back to the daily routine of Netflix and chill, Yorgurtland dates, and aggressively maintaining your snapchat streak. You claim to your friends and family that this is the last time you’ll get back together with them before you’re done for good. You convince yourself that you’ll have a happily ever after this time around and then BOOM… the rug slips from under you and suddenly your left, yet again, with your heart shattered in little tiny pieces, thus starting another break-up make-up cycle.
Why do we let this happen? Do we just love the idea of seeing ourselves wallowing in tubs of cookie dough ice cream watching The Titanic for the 5th time this month because deep down we know that’s the love we really deserve? You need to come to the realization that maybe you two will just never be right for each other and that’s okay. Stop putting yourself through this emotional rollercoaster and instead put yourself first.
Here are 7 steps to finally break free from the break up make-up cycle and move on to a much healthier and reliable relationship.
1. Make the hard decision to not go back again- they WILL try to come back
The only way to move forward is to leave your past behind you. You don’t have to regret any relationship but you should always learn from them. Whether you're breaking up with this person or you're being broken up with, you need to make a decision and hold yourself accountable. It’s okay to miss them or think about them but don’t let your emotions lead you to the same place that caused them. It’s going to be tough because most of the time guys ALWAYS try to come back and NEVER at a good time. It could be weeks, months, even a year, but eventually they ALWAYS try sliding in the DMs with the “i miss you” messages. 99% of the time those messages should be left on read and the relationship in the past. No one else can make this decision for you, so don’t let yourself down! Be a heavy rock in the ever-changing wind (or breakup storm).
2. Unfollow & Block them on EVERYTHING
Although it sounds petty, trust us, it’s not! You can’t heal properly while seeing your ex post a drunk insta story of some hot girl sitting on top of him while he’s pretending his life just got 10 times better without you. Blocking them is a selfish but a necessary action that will
prevent you from watching them live their best “insta worthy” life while also not allowing them to creep their way back into your DM’s. If you don’t want to block them because you want them to see YOU living YOUR best life without them, that’s next level petty and we love that as long as you unfollow them and leave their DMs on read!
3. (BURN) Throw away their things
Do what you need to do. Rip it to shreds. Light it on fire. Throw it out your car window or donate it to the homeless. REMEMBER: YOU ARE NEVER GOING BACK. If it’s important to them, mail it to their house (if you’re ending on good terms). If it’s important to you, put it in a *insert Ex’s name here* box and lock it away for safekeeping until you are absolutely over them. Whatever it is, do it but DO NOT sit on your couch eating mini powdered donuts nostalgically looking through old memorabilia of the great times you two had together.
4. Don’t engage in too much convo
We’re guessing you and your ex have similar social circles which means it is VERY likely that you will have an awkward run-in at some point in your healing process. If you do end up having to be at the same event as your ex, don’t go out of your way to say hi. If you see each other, smile, wave, and move the fuck on. If the universe continues to play with your heart strings and you’re somehow forced into convo, be classy and minimal.
5. Write out your feelings but don’t press send
Throughout the breakup process you will be very vulnerable to anything and everything. Your emotions are rocky and all over the place and one little thing can get you into another sad head space. Remember to breathe and remind yourself that emotions are constantly changing. Write everything you’re feeling down and get it all out. It could be in the form of a diary, letter, email, text message, whatever works for you but DON’T SEND ANYTHING. Doing this definitely helps you release your emotions/get everything out without embarrassing yourself.
6. Lean on your besties
Buy your fav desserts and snacks (this is the time to eat hot Cheetos and chocolate ice cream) grab a bottle of wine (or tequila), light a champagne scented candle, turn on your
bad bitch playlist (find one on the PGB Spotify), and invite your girlies over for a breakup party! The one thing that will always be the most help during this shitty time is leaning on your friends. You will soon start to realize that even your perfect besties have gone through the same thing! It might be helpful to hear their break-up stories and how they overcame it. When you feel sad, hang out with the friends who will let you rant about the same thing over and over again while still making you laugh during the process.
7. Focus on your goals and ambitions
What do you like to do? What do you want in life? These things will start to play itself out if you focus on yourself. Take all the time and energy you previously put into the toxic relationship and focus it on making your life better. It sucks and hurts like hell now, but if you spend this time being productive it will definitely help take your mind off of wanting to cry all day & night. Think of it as a new beginning! You can update your resume & apply to jobs or internships, get a workout/fitness plan going, try getting creative by writing a TV script or a song, or you can even try taking fun classes you normally wouldn’t have the time to take (art, cooking, musical instrument, etc.) The more time you spend bettering yourself and your own life, the less time you waste reminiscing on everything you miss about your ex. Whatever you do after a breakup, make sure it makes you feel like you’re moving forward in life!